I'm The Man.

I'm the man with spark-spitting micro violins built into the trucks of his skateboard. I can curdle your milk and make Douglas and Gillian laugh whilst I do it.

But where are their pets ?

I'm the man who you call if you want your Bath tub to be delicately balanced. I operate in the Park Lane area.

*Jobs may take longer than quoted; conditions apply.

I'm the man who'll accompany you to the electronics store to buy a TB303. I'll even remain there with you even when you discover that they have sold out and that the closest thing you'll get is a laminated book of dreams that plays vague acid music when the pages are turned.

I'm the man who will deal with your bleeps like I deal with your beats, who'll drive you to Birmingham and back without a car, who'll do a bedside vigil and will take your secrets to the grave with me.

I'm the man...

Return To The Forest

Returning to the wintry forest, acutely aware of my vulnerability. Naked, willowy trees sprawled in every direction, reaching into the cold white sky like the bars of an infinite cage.
I reached a desolate clearing and paused upon some muddy ground that was the unmarked grave of a fallen demigod. I began to pray, I prayed to its decomposing bones, I uttered tones begging for forbidden knowledge.